


Half a Man

by bubblytonks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Finished, First Kiss, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), because remus is a cutie, but she falls in love with remus eventually, reader is an order member, reader is scared of werewolfs at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:29:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblytonks/pseuds/bubblytonks
Summary: You are a freshly recruited Order member with a kind heart. Because of a traumatic event in your past, you have a slightly negative attidude towards werewolfs at first. But as you meet Remus, you realize that you're not afraid of him, quite the opposite actually.A littly angsty probably, but with a happy ending.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Original Character(s), Remus Lupin & Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin & Reader, Remus Lupin & You, Remus Lupin/Original Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You
Comments: 7
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first ever fanfiction. I'm madly in love with Remus Lupin as you might notice and I hope you enjoy reading just as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)  
> Sorry for any spelling or phrasing mistakes, I'm not an english native.  
> The characters are not mine (except the reader and her sisters), they unfortunately belong to J.K. Rowling.

Dumbledore had invited you and your sisters to join the Order, after you got kicked out of your job at the ministry for voicing your concerns about the return of Lord Voldemort. You couldn’t believe that the whole ministry was so eager to deny what had happened and as always you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.  
So you took up work in a muggle book shop, which you honestly quite enjoyed, when Dumbledore showed up one day outside the shop window. He knew you from your time at Hogwarts, where you had excelled in dueling and Defense Against The Dark Arts. The headmaster had heard how you critiqued the way Fudge handled things, so he had wanted to ask you to join the Order.  
At first you were taken aback by the idea of some sort of secret society fighting the Death Eaters, but it somehow made sense. You hadn’t yet graduated from Hogwarts when the First Wizarding War had ended and being raised only by your muggle father, all the information you had got were rumors and the questionable news from the Daily Prophet. So when Dumbledore told you how the Order of the Phoenix had operated back then, you listened closely and eagerly agreed to be part of it this time.

A few days later you appeared in front of Grimmauld Place 12, entered with the secret code Dumbledore had given you and were greeted by none other than Sirius Black. You remembered him vaguely from school, he and his friends had been quite famous after all, but he had graduated when you were in second year. He was still very handsome, even after all those years in Azkaban. Luckily Dumbledore had told you Sirius’ story or you would have stunned him right there at the doorstep. “Come in, come in! You must be Y/N, nice to meet you. I’m Sirius”, he introduced himself. Obviously pleased to have some company he showed you around the house and introduced you to some Order members, before Alastor Moody started the meeting. The auror talked about recent events, he mentioned the Triwizard Tournament a few times and suggested for the Order to meet up regularly from now on.  
After his speech he slumped down in his seat and started discussing something with the bald wizard named Kingsley next to him. Molly Weasley hurried into the kitchen to get dinner ready while the empty seats at the table were filled in by the Weasley kids, clearly recognizable by their livid red hair, and a girl with bushy brown hair, who had to be Hermione Granger.  
The meal was phenomenal, everybody started to get cheery and the conversations were animated. The whole evening you chatted mostly with Sirius and the oldest Weasley boy Bill. The three of you got along well, you shared stories from Hogwarts and laughed together. You were one of the last ones to leave that night.

It had been 7 days since then and today you would bring your sisters Maxima and Tamina, who were twins and three years younger than you, to the weekly Order meeting. You were eager to show them around and introduce them to everybody, especially to Sirius and the Weasley twins. It would freak Sirius out to see two pairs of twins together, you already knew and you were looking forward to that.  
The three of you entered the kitchen and you greeted Sirius.  
“Hi, nice to see you again”, you grinned at him, “These are my sisters Max and Tamina.” They shook hands with a noticeable thunderstruck Sirius.  
“You told me you would bring you sisters some time, but you never mentioned that they are twins”, he said. Your grin widened, as Sirius’ eyes bobbed from Tamina to Maxima and back again, looking dumbfounded. Your sisters had that effect on most people, they had always been very pretty, and charming people wherever they went. When you were younger, you had been jealous of their ability to make anybody like them, but now you just enjoyed watching how they could wrap anybody around their fingers.  
“He’s actually kinda cute”, Tamina whispered in your ear, as your siblings trailed off to introduce themselves to the other members. You sat down at the table next to Sirius.  
“Interesting sisters you got there, Y/N”, he chuckled. You rolled your eyes at him, but couldn’t help but smirk.  
“You know, I can’t introduce you to my brother unfortunately, but Remus is coming tonight and he’s the next best thing”, he continued with a weak smile. Sirius had told you a little bit about his brother and his childhood with him last time. He had also mentioned Remus, but only to tell the others that he wouldn’t attend the meeting then.  
“Why wasn’t he here last week?”, you wondered.  
“Oh, you know, that night was full moon.”  
“So what?”, you asked puzzled.  
“Remus is a werewolf”, Sirius answered casually. “Didn’t you know?”  
You hadn’t known. Ice cold fear flooded you for a moment, but you tried not to let it show. A werewolf. A werewolf was going to attend the meeting. He would be in the same room as you and your sisters. You tried your best to stay calm, but you felt like you would never be able to breathe again. You stared at Sirius with big eyes.  
“Are you okay, Y/N? He’s not dangerous, you know, he hates that he has to transform every month”, Sirius assured you, but you couldn’t fully comprehend his words.  
“I need some air”, you whispered as you stood up and left the room. You almost ran out the front door, where you were finally able to breathe again. The cold feeling of fear was still lingering in your fingers and toes, although it was a warm evening. A few moments you just focused on your breath and you slowly regained confidence. Sirius liked the werewolf, so he couldn’t be that bad, could he? Everybody else seemed to be okay with it too. It seemed absurd to you, but you trusted Dumbledore and he was the one who picked people for the Order. He wouldn’t let a werewolf join, if it wasn’t save, would he?  
You were still standing on the porch, facing the door, trying to convince yourself to go back in, when you heard a voice from behind you.  
“Hi, excuse me, uhm, would you let me in?”  
You turned your head suddenly to see a tall man standing there, giving you a shy smile. He had a shabby look about himself and his smile didn’t quite reach his hazel eyes. You noticed a scar cutting his eyebrow in half, mostly hidden behind some of his brown curls. Another sharp scar stretched from his upper lip to his chin. You wondered what had happened to him, he looked tired. You managed a halfhearted smile, let the stranger pass and followed him into the hallway. There you already heard Moody talking about the latest developments, so the two of you hurried to your seats. You caught Sirius’ eye, but said nothing as you sat down beside him.

After the meeting and the meal Molly had served, you were in the kitchen helping her with the dishes, chatting about her son Charlie and his studies on dragons.  
“He’s really obsessed with them, always has been. Had a great Quidditch career in front of him, but chose to go to Romania instead. Other kids all wanted an owl or a cat as a pet, Charlie wished for a Swedish Short-Snout for his seventh birthday”, Molly cackled. You couldn’t help but laugh, you rather enjoyed the mother’s stories.  
“Y/N, darling, would you mind getting the glasses from the table, I think most people left already”, she hummed.  
“Sure, Molly!”, you called back on your way out of the kitchen.  
Just as you wanted to enter the dining room you bumped into someone. Apologetically you looked up to meet the gaze of the very same hazel eyes you had seen for the first time outside the house just a few hours prior.  
“I’m sorry”, you mumbled, taken aback by the warmth in the man’s look.  
“Oh, no, that was my fault, I apologize”, he smiled at you. “Are you a new member of the Order? I don’t think we’ve met before.”  
“Yes, today was only my second meeting. I’m very glad I get to be a part of this. My name is Y/N by the way”, you introduced yourself, grinning and putting out your hand for him to shake. He took it and gently squeezed it, before he said, “Nice to meet you Y/N, I’m Remus.”  
Realization hit you, your smile faded from your face and you snapped your hand from his in an instant. You stared at him and felt your whole body clench. That man with the kind eyes was the werewolf. Of course he was, you should have recognized it right outside the door, when you had wondered how he had gotten his scars. But the thought that this rather ordinary man was supposed to be a dangerous creature hadn’t even occurred to you.  
You were still looking at him with big eyes, unable to hide your shock. You tried to conceal the fact that fear had made your fingers feel numb, but you knew that your facial expression betrayed you.  
“I think I should go now”, he said after what felt like hours. As he turned to make his way to the door, you could have sworn that there was sorrow in his eyes and the sudden urge to apologize overcame you. He didn’t seem too dangerous after all and you hadn’t been very polite with him.  
“Wait! I – uhm – I’m sorry”, you managed to say as he turned to face you once more. “I didn’t mean to offend you or make you uncomfortable in any way. It just took me by surprise, I’ve never met a w- someone like you, but I’m sure Dumbledore knows you well enough to trust you.”  
“It’s okay, Y/N, honestly. I’m used to people looking at me with fear and disgust in their eyes”, he offered you a sad smile before he left Grimmauld Place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel bad because of how you reacted to Remus introducing himself to you, but an incident in Sirius' bedroom makes everything even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! <3

Three weeks had passed since you had first met Remus and you felt deeply sorry by now. You desperately wanted to apologize for how you had behaved. He had done nothing wrong and it wasn’t like you to judge people before you got the chance to get to know them. He had showed up to two Order meetings since, but he was always late and seemed to avoid you at all costs. You tried to make eye contact with him across the room, but your attempts had been of no avail, though you could have sworn that he was looking at you every time you were busy talking to someone else. After both meetings you had tried to talk to Remus but the first time he had been in a deep conversation with Kingsley and the next he had excused himself a few minutes before the meeting had ended.   
Today you were determined to talk to him right after the gathering, you waited and waited but unfortunately he didn’t show up at all. Disheartened you strolled over to the kitchen and brewed yourself some tea, where you were joined by Sirius.   
“Boring, wasn’t it?”, he said cheerily. You realized now, that you hadn’t really listened to what was being said, your thoughts had trailed off in anticipation to Remus and what you would say to him.  
“Yup, almost fell asleep”, you lied. “Do you know why Remus didn’t attend the meeting today?” Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked up from his mug.   
“Probably a mission for the Order, but I don’t know for a fact”, he stated. “Why are you asking? Are you still scared of him?”   
“No! I mean, maybe a little. When he introduced himself I was a pretty shocked and I’m not good at hiding my emotions”, you confessed hesitantly. “I regret it, honestly, he doesn’t seem like a bad guy and everybody obviously likes him. So I wanted to apologize to him, but he appears to be avoiding me.” You could feel your throat tightening, you hated the thought of hurting someone, even a werewolf.   
“Look, Y/N, I hate to say this, but he is used to this reaction, he’ll come around eventually and you’ll get your chance to explain yourself”, Sirius said dryly.   
“That’s what he said. I feel so bad, that he has to endure that and that I’m no better”, you whispered as tears started to well up in the corners of your eyes. Sirius’ expression softened, he scooted closer to you and started patting your back.  
The two of you just stood there in silence for a while, before Sirius started to tell you stories about Grimmauld Place and some of his childhood memories there. You poured yourself another cup of tea and listened eagerly. Sirius suggested to move to the living room, which you happily obliged to, when something suddenly appeared from thin air right in front of you and made you trip. Your tea spilled all over your shirt and left red stains. You turned your head to see an incredibly ugly house elf standing where you just had.   
“Kreacher! Look what you’ve done! How many times do I have to tell you not to apparate in here”, Sirius bellowed, turned his head to you and continued, “Kreacher will wash the stains out for you.”   
“I can do that myself”, you insisted, but Sirius looked unforgiving, so you just asked if you could borrow a shirt.   
“If you must put one on, just take one from my closet upstairs”, his expression changed into a cheeky grin.   
“If I didn’t put a shirt on your eyes would fall out”, you rolled your eyes at him and hurried upstairs. You could hear him chuckle behind you.  
You pushed open the door engraved with Sirius’ name and looked around. If you didn’t know he slept there, you wouldn’t have guessed that anybody had been in here in years. The heavy curtains were half closed and covered in dust. The bed was neatly made, the only personal thing in the room seemed to be the photograph on the bedside table. Four people were jokingly leaning against and pushing each other, the one on the right obviously was a young Sirius. Next to him a tall figure, which seemed oddly familiar, with a few scars covering his face. You guessed that must be Remus. The man on the left with the messiest hair you had ever seen was tickling a red haired girl, who tried not to burst into laughter. You figured that must have been the Potters.   
Feeling guilty for sneaking around you wandered off to the closet on the other side of the room. You grabbed the handle and opened the door. Suddenly you stumbled backwards toward the bed. You looked up and accidentally let out a shriek. An enormous hairy creature was standing in front of you, its claws and sharp teeth dripping in blood. To its feet lay three figures, their skin ripped open, their lifeless eyes staring into nothing. Fear gripped your heart, you couldn’t move, couldn’t think, you could only gape at the horrible scene in front of you. You could feel your body trembling, your hand unable to grab you wand from your pocket.  
You didn’t know how much time had passed, it felt like hours, when somebody suddenly burst into the room. The person’s eyes bobbed around the room, before he intervened himself between you and the creature. The whole scene vanished abruptly and a bright white orb appeared instead.   
“Riddikulus!”, cried the man. It was Remus, you noticed now that you slowly came back to your senses. Realization dawned on you that you had just encountered a boggart. You remembered those from your schooldays, but back then it had only morphed into a very large carnivorous plant at the sight of you. You felt embarrassment flushing your cheeks at the thought that Remus had to save you from a boggart. Looking up at him you saw him standing at the door, still panting, eyeing you carefully. Hastily you tried to wipe away the tears you only just realized you had shed.   
“Thank you”, you mumbled in his direction. He nodded slowly and motioned to get out of the room. “Wait!”, you croaked a little more audible. You didn’t want him to leave just yet.   
“I don’t think I should stay”, he whispered facing the floor.   
“Please”, you pleaded.   
“Why?”, he looked puzzled, but continued, “That was a werewolf, Y/N. I am your biggest fear.” Silence filled the room. You didn’t know what to say. His hazel eyes were filled with such a sadness you could barely bear it.   
“You are not”, you breathed, trying to sound somewhat convincing.   
“Yes, I am. I am a werewolf, I can’t change that. Merlin, I wish I could, but it’s impossible, so I’ll just have to live with it for the rest of my life”, Remus exclaimed helplessly.   
“What the hell is happening up here? Be careful, my room hasn’t seen that much action in years”, a bewildered Sirius interrupted. His eyebrows were raised as he looked between you and his friend.  
“It’s nothing”, Remus mumbled as he turned on his heels and left for the stairs.   
Wanting to explain yourself, you rushed past Sirius and after Remus.   
“Remus, wait!”, you called, but he didn’t stop. He went to pick up his cloak from the floor, where he had left it before rushing upstairs to help you. You grabbed his arm and finally he looked at you properly. For a moment you felt like you were losing yourself in his eyes, but you quickly recovered.   
“My worst fear isn’t the werewolf”, you stated firmly.   
“You don’t have to explain yourself, Y/N. It’s only natural to be afraid of someone like me”, Remus said averting his gaze.   
“But I’m not! I’m not scared of you”, you insisted and you realized that you truly meant it. You trusted him, he had saved you after all. Remus’ mouth quirked into a soft smile for a moment, but his eyes stayed dark and full of sorrow.   
“Please believe me”, you took his hand for a second. He looked down at your interlaced fingers, before he excused himself and marched through the front door.   
You were left staring after Remus, feeling empty, still sensing the fear that had coursed through your body at the sight of the boggart. All you wanted to do was curl up in your bed, but you weren’t sure if you would be able to disapparate, so you made your way to the couch in the living room. The fabric was worn and the color, which must have once been a rich emerald green, had faded. You noticed that you were still wearing your stained shirt. Just as you sat down, Sirius entered the room, looking at you rather worried.   
“Everything alright?”, he asked cautiously. As you didn’t answer, he sat down beside you. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”, he continued.   
“Not really”, you answered. “There’s a boggart in your closet though.” You were thankful that he didn’t press the subject any further. Since it was nearly midnight Sirius offered you the spare bedroom which you gladly accepted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're going to talk things out with Remus in this chapter, no more misconceptions after this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this new chapter! Happy reading!

It had been weeks since the boggart incident and you hadn’t talked to Remus once. The two of you saw each other at the Order meetings, but you didn’t try to talk to him, it was obvious that he didn’t want you to. Instead you spent your time speaking to either Sirius or Tamina, who had grown rather fond of these gatherings and joined you and the other members almost every week. Maxima was mostly busy with her atelier, but managed to attend every few weeks, too.   
The situation in the streets had grown frequently more dangerous. Muggles and wizards alike went missing almost regularly now and the ministry was still in denial. Moody had set up members of the Order to patrol Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley at night. Ever so often you had found yourself spending the night alongside different members in Hogsmeade. Although your work at the bookshop and patrolling the streets at night was exhausting, you quite enjoyed to get to know the people you shared your shifts with. A few times you had joined a young auror by the name of Nymphadora Tonks, who insisted to be called only by her last name and who fascinated you with her ever changing bright colored hair and her cheerfulness.   
Today another Order meeting was scheduled, where you would get your patrolling plan for next week. You hoped you would be able catch up with Tonks again during one of your shifts. Talking to her came easy and you enjoyed your playful bantering.   
You entered Grimmauld Place with Tamina by your side, who then immediately strolled off to greet Hestia Jones. Sirius was in deep conversation with Remus, both of them laughing every now and then, so you made your way to the kitchen to greet Molly. She was busy making some sandwiches and you decided to help her.  
When everybody had arrived, Dedalus Diggle stood up from his seat at the table and began talking about the latest events. After he finished, he started to assign the patrolling schedule.   
“Jones, you go with Podmore to guard Diagon Alley tomorrow. Mundungus, you’ll be with Kingsley at Hogsmeade”, he began. “Tonks with Moody at Diagon Alley on Tuesday. Y/N Y/LN and Lupin at Hogsmeade.”   
Your gaze shifted from Diggle to Remus and for a moment your eyes met his, before he spoke up, “I – I don’t know if I’m going to be available that evening.” Immediately you looked down at your hands, trying to seem unbothered. You could feel your cheeks flushing. He obviously disliked you so much that he didn’t even want to go on patrol with you.   
“Should I let Y/LN guard Hogsmeade alone then?”, Diggle asked slightly annoyed. You could feel Remus’ eyes on you and for a second you lifted your gaze, only to look away again, not being able to hide the hurt and embarrassment.   
“Nevermind”, you heard Remus saying softly. You didn’t dare to look up at him, still feeling the hotness in you cheeks, you kneaded your hands under the table. The whole meeting you kept facing the table, painfully aware of his eyes lingering on you every now and then. He surely hated you. He hated you for how had reacted to him, how you judged him without knowing him. Again you felt the urge to curl up in your bed. Your thoughts were spinning until the scraping of multiple chairs startled you. Apparently the meeting had ended without you noticing.   
How was it, that you couldn’t stop thinking about this one person disliking you? You were frustrated with yourself for such childish behavior. Couldn’t you just forget about it and move on? Remus didn’t like you, so what, you had others to chat with. But it bugged you, that it was entirely your fault, he couldn’t stand you, because you had been a judgmental git.  
The room had emptied mostly when you finally stood up. You took your teacup to the sink and magically cleaned it before returning it to the cupboard. After that, you left the kitchen, went to pick up your denim jacket and made your way home to your flat.

The sun had almost fully set behind the narrow streets of Hogsmeade. It was Tuesday and you were anxiously waiting for Remus to show up for your shift. You paced up and down the cobblestone paved alley in front of the Three Broomsticks, restlessly thinking about what to say to him. Would he even talk to you?  
You could hear the guests of the pub getting louder every minute, as if they had been waiting for the sun to vanish to get drunk. Music was playing and people were laughing together, completely unbothered. Suddenly you wished you could be one of them, forgetting the return of You-Know-Who, forgetting the awkward situation with Remus, just laughing and singing with a glass of Firewhisky in your hand.   
A slight cough jolted you out of your daydreams and you turned around to meet Remus standing behind you. Surprisingly you couldn’t find any trace of aversion in his look, he was smiling politely.  
“I wasn’t sure if you would come”, you blurted out. Greetings weren’t your strong suit with him, obviously.   
“Well, I couldn’t leave you all by yourself, could I? Not, that you’re not able to defend yourself, I’ve heard you’re a brilliant duellist, but we’ve got to look out for one another in times like these”, he replied, trying to find the right words. He seemed a little nervous, too. “Should we get going?”  
You nodded slowly and buttoned up your cloak, it was starting to get a little chilly. The two of you made your way up the bumpy road towards the other end of the small town, a heavy silence lingering over you. Remus didn’t seem to mind the quietness, but your head was buzzing with things you wanted to tell him.  
“Is this how it has to be with us from now on?”, you spoke up.  
“I don’t know what you mean”, Remus said. You let out a throaty laugh.  
“What I mean is, that we’re barely talking to each other. It’s awkward.”  
“I didn’t want to force you to talk to me”, Remus mumbled.  
“Do you still believe, that I’m afraid of you?”, you asked carefully. Your attempts to make eye contact failed, Remus looked steadily ahead. “Because I’m not. I’m not scared of you.”  
“Maybe you think so, because you’ve never actually seen the werewolf in me. Maybe you’re not making the connection yet, but I am what I am, the wolf is always there. You can’t separate me from my condition and a boggart never lies”, Remus said firmly, still avoiding your gaze.  
“But it’s not the werewolf I fear!”  
“Then what is it?”  
“It’s the loss of a loved one.” The words had burst out of your mouth, before you knew what you were saying. You felt a rush of embarrassment and looked down on your feet, which weren’t heading over the cobblestone anymore. Remus came to a halt beside you and you gathered the courage to continue.  
“My mum, she died when I was fourteen. She went out into the backyard in the middle of a full moon night. Our home was surrounded by forest, mum loved nature, and I suppose it must have been lurking there”, you swallowed hard. “My dad was inside when he heard her screaming, but it was too late.”  
“I’m deeply sorry, Y/N”, you could hear Remus’ breathy voice. “Hardly surprising, that your biggest fear takes the form of a werewolf.”  
“The wolf is not the crucial part. It’s the corpses to its feet”, you replied dryly.  
“Your sisters?”, asked Remus hesitantly.  
“And my dad”, you whispered, trying to choke back tears. “I’m scared of losing them. I’m afraid of the moment you realize, that you’ll never see them again, you’ll never talk to them again. It scares the living shit out of me to think about the hole, that is left behind in your heart, when a person you love dies. It’s hell and nothing can fix it. But that’s not so unfamiliar to you, is it?”  
“I know exactly what you’re talking about”, Remus said gloomily. He was looking at you now, intently, but full of sympathy. “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through and for avoiding you. I thought it was what you wanted, but I can see now, that it was a mistake not to let you explain.”  
“And I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I was a little shocked the first time I met you, I have to admit, and I’m the worst at hiding my emotions. I judged you hastily, that won’t happen again. Now I’m going to judge you solely on your opinion on pineapple on pizza and your favorite chocolate flavor”, you replied, a cheeky grin spreading across your face. Remus chuckled and both of you resumed your way through Hogsmeade.  
“You know, I’ve actually never tasted pineapple on pizza.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're spending time with Remus alone and the two of you get a little closer. And there's Remus with books, two of my favorite things together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so it's a little longer than the last ones. I appreciate all of you reading my story, have fun :)

“I think I heard something”, Remus whispered into the pitch black silence around you. Your body tensed immediately, your hand at your wand.   
“I heard it, too. Over there I think”, you moved along a back alley of Hogsmeade to the source of the noise. You didn’t dare to light the way with your wand in fear of being exposed, so you carefully took one step at a time with Remus right behind you. There was another sound, a faint rattling from the same direction, but you still couldn’t see anything. Suddenly you jumped as something touched your shoulder, but it was only Remus motioning for you to stop.  
“Revelio!”, blue lightning sparked from Remus’ wand and soared ahead of you to what seemed to be a trash bin. The bin shot up and turned upside down, but waste wasn’t the only thing falling out. A furry ball hit the ground and let out an annoyed shriek. You lit your wand to examine it carefully. Alarmed by the sudden flash of light the creature leaped to its feet and all you got was a glimpse of its ginger tail as it disappeared into the darkness.  
“Only a fox”, you felt your jaw relax and you couldn’t stop a giggle escaping your adrenaline filled body. You turned around and found Remus trying to suppress a laugh himself, but not quite succeeding.   
“It could have attacked us, though. Those are very dangerous animals”, Remus said seriously, but with an amused glint in his eyes and you couldn’t hold it any longer. You burst with laughter, steadying yourself on his arm.   
“I can’t believe I almost hexed a bloody fox”, you said still laughing. Remus had joined in by now and you noticed the crow’s feet which framed his shiny eyes. It was the first time you saw him laugh wholeheartedly and you felt a grip on your heart when his laughter died down eventually. You didn’t want him to stop. For a few moments all you could think about was how to make him laugh like that again. Remus was looking at you intensely, his hazel eyes fixed on your Y/EC ones. You didn’t want to look away, but you couldn’t hold his gaze any longer, embarrassment flushing your cheeks.  
“We should head back to the main street”, said Remus. “The sun will rise soon and we can get some rest.” Indeed streaks of greyish blue were forming on the horizon where the sun would illuminate the sky and bathe the soft hills in warming light. You bounced alongside Remus back to the center of Hogsmeade, grateful for having made it through the night with nothing more than the fox incident.   
It had been your third night in a row patrolling with Remus and you were in desperate need for some sleep, yet you felt a certain kind of excitement in your stomach to see him again in a few days.  
The Three Broomsticks was empty as the two of you strolled past. It was strange to see the pub, which was usually full of people and roaring voices, so deserted. The town was still quiet, but with the first rays of sunlight, you could hear the creaking of windows and Hogsmeade slowly came to life.   
“I think we’re good to go and get some sleep now”, Remus announced, as you left the village towards Hogsmeade Station. “It was quite a lovely night, even though that fox almost finished us off.” You snorted and grinned at him, feeling the exhaustion well up in your body.   
“At least nobody else was there to witness us making a fool of ourselves. I bet Sirius would never let us forget this night”, you said.  
“I don’t think I will forget this night anyway”, Remus whispered, smiling softly at you and the feeling of getting lost in his eyes overwhelmed you once more. You blinked hastily to shake the sensation off and took a step back.  
“See you soon, Remus”, you smiled at him before you disapparated into your living room. You dreamed of his laugh as soon as you fell asleep.

The three nights patrolling and your shifts at the bookshop had left their marks on you. You had slept the whole afternoon through and the following night too. When you woke up your body felt stiff and your stomach was rumbling. Slowly you shed your oversized t-shirt, exchanged it for a tank top and a bright yellow jumper and put your ripped black jeans on. You made yourself some tea and grabbed two slices of toasted bread, before your hurried out the door to make it to the bookstore on time.   
It was a rainy Wednesday morning, the air crisp with the heralds of winter. People were shuffling past the shop windows, their heads bowed against the downpour. Few of them visited the shop and your were grateful to just fill your head with the act of restocking books into shelves. Every now and then your thoughts trailed off to one certain pair of hazel eyes and you had to snap yourself back to reality.   
Around midday, you were joined by a muggle named Archie, who worked at the pet shop next door. He was a middle aged man, with a kind, round face and a thick, brown beard. He frequently came by during his lunch break to chat with you or one of your colleagues. You enjoyed having him around, he always had some new stories to tell about his kids and often brought home made pies with him.   
“There isn’t a lot going on today, is it? The weather isn’t for shopping”, you gestured to the still heavy rain outside. The two of you were leaning on the counter, a huge piece of cherry pie on a plate between you.  
“No, the pet shop isn’t busy either”, Archie agreed. “But I don’t mind, I’ve been awake the whole night, trying to get Emma to sleep. Honestly, I love her like crazy, but since Eric is almost old enough for school, I kind of forgot, how challenging toddlers can be.” You laughed and patted his arm.   
Distantly you heard the shop door open with a ring, but you ignored it, it was your break after all and you figured the customer would come forward if he needed something. You’d rather listen to Archie fondly describing Emma’s dress he and his husband had picked for their friend’s wedding.  
Your break ended way too soon, with all the talking and chatting you hadn’t even finished the pie. Archie pulled up his collar and waved you goodbye, before he hurried out the door back to his shop.  
Suddenly you remembered, that you had heard a customer come in, but your hadn’t noticed anyone leaving, so you made your way through the shop to offer your help. You found a tall man standing in front of the huge bookshelf labeled “Fantasy novels”.  
“The muggles have a strange conception of magic”, a soft voice stated. A visibly amused Remus turned around, holding a massive book in one hand, the other one in the pocket of his shabby coat. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him and for a moment you were lost for words. He seemed strangely out of place, not because you couldn’t picture him surrounded by books, but because you were so used to only seeing muggles at work.  
“Sometimes they’re not as far off as you might think, though”, you answered back, not being able to hide your grin. “There are tons of different kinds of magic in these books. It goes from classic medieval stories about witch hunting, to really modern views on magic. Sometimes I’m not sure, if everything in these books is entirely the author's imagination or if some wizard just didn’t bother to obliviate him.”  
Remus chuckled and put the book back on the shelf. His hands now both empty, he awkwardly put them in his pockets again.  
“Remus, what are you doing here?”, you asked softly, still smiling at him.  
“Well, you’ve told me about this store quite a few times and, although I love books, I’ve never visited a muggle bookshop before”, he answered shyly, trailing his fingers over the spines to his left. “And I wanted to know, if you’d recovered from guarding Hogsmeade three nights in a row.”  
“You could have sent an owl, you know”, you teased.   
“Just tell me, if you want me to leave”, Remus retorted, obviously trying to make it sound playful, but his expression was way to serious.  
“Of course I don’t want you to leave, and you know it. It’s nice to see you, I can show you around”, you offered reassuringly.  
“I’d enjoy that”, a smile spread across his face. For a moment you felt the urge to take his hand, but you figured that would be inappropriate.   
You led the way through the shop, from fiction to non fiction, made recommendations and told him about the reading habits of muggles. Most people you knew would probably have found it all very boring, but Remus seemed genuinely interested. He appeared more relaxed and more himself between the shelves full of books, than anywhere else.  
After your tour, you returned to your desk, where Archie’s half eaten piece of cherry pie waited.  
“So, this is where I work mostly. On busier days, I don’t really get away from behind the counter until lunch break”, you explained.  
“Which you spend with the man from the shop next door”, Remus remarked. He smiled at you, but his smile was just a little to small, his eyes darkening for a moment. “You seem close.” His gaze shifted from you to the pie and the two forks lying next to it. You could see his jaw clench slightly.  
“We’re friends, he comes over from time to time. He’s a chatty guy, gets along with everybody and sometimes it’s nice to talk to a non-wizard”, you said casually. “With all the bad stuff going on in our world, it’s good to know, that there are people out here, living a normal life with their families.”  
“So you haven’t told him, that you’re a witch?”, Remus raised an eyebrow.  
“Merlin, no, we’re not that close. We’re talking about muggle things mostly. I tell him about books I’ve read recently, he tells me about his kids and his husband”, you said. The tension in Remus’ jaw vanished and his eyes lit up for a second. He hadn’t been jealous, had he? You felt your stomach flutter and you had to ban that thought from your head.   
“So, what now? You’ve seen the whole shop, except the storage room or do you want to see that, too?”, you joked, trying to change the subject.  
“Would you show me?”, Remus asked curiously.  
“Really? I mean, of course, but that was meant to be a joke, there isn’t much to see”, you shuffled to the door behind the counter and opened it, revealing a dark room. You turned to grin at Remus before you disappeared into the darkness. Your feet found their way around the stacks of books easily. A few moments later you could hear Remus whispering “Lumos!” and the room lit up. He squeezed himself through the towering boxes towards you. A smile clung to his lips, as he looked around. Every wall was covered in shelves, hundreds of books stacked on top of each other. It was a wonderful mess.   
Remus raised his wand hand to direct the light upwards and scanned his surroundings. You could see his mouth moving silently as he read the book titles. You couldn’t help but imagine how they would feel moving against your skin and without realizing you got closer to him. He bumped into you and dropped his wand. You could feel his hot breath on your cheek and his body tensing at your closeness. Shyly you looked up at him, your heart racing. His eyes were dark again, but he didn’t dare look at you. You had no control over your body, your thoughts were spinning.   
The whole room felt otherworldly, a world, where neither of you were able to speak, where only the two of you existed and time was irrelevant. You felt your chin tilting upwards and- riiing -you heard a customer enter the shop. With a sharp breath leaving your body, you jerked back to reality. Remus looked just as startled as you, but you could see something else in his expression. Horror. He stepped away from you, his back flat against a book shelf.  
You longed to go back to this strange other world, to kiss the terror from Remus’ face, but first you had work waiting for you, so you quickly made your way back to the front desk. As you were busy with your customer, you couldn’t hear the faint plopp of someone disapparating.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... After the rude interruption last time, you and Remus are both a little insecure, but you're bound to meet again of course. This one's going to be mostly lightheaded fluff, without much plot tbh. But I guess, that counts for the whole fic anyway lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm so caught up in work right now, this chapter took a little longer to write, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. :)

You had been so close. Your lips had brushed his for one wonderful second. His nose had been filled with your scent, his thoughts tumbling all over in his head. Remus’ heart had been hammering in his chest, the blood rushing in his ears. You had been so close. Those moments in the storage room had been surreal and there and then he hadn’t been able to restrain himself. He had given in to your closeness, he had relished it, begging for this moment to never end. But it had ended.   
And with it ending, came the guilt and self doubt.   
He had felt the pull towards you before, but he would never have dared to act on it. He shouldn’t have visited you at all, it had been a huge mistake. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let this happen? He felt dirty for what he almost did to you.   
Right now Remus was sitting at the table in Grimmauld Place, his head aching. He massaged his temples, with his hands trembling. Soon you would walk in and see him for the first time, after him nearly kissing you. It had been almost a week ago. He had called off his patrolling duty with you and he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to join the Order meeting today. He was on the verge of getting up from his seat and leaving, but Sirius had already welcomed him and it would raise suspicions if Remus just left. He hadn’t told his friend about what had happened, yet.   
His eyes wandered to the door every now and then. He dreaded the look of disgust, that would likely shoot from your eyes at the sight of him. Although he doubted your willingness to make a scene in front of the whole Order, he wondered what you would say, if you would say anything at all. If you would scream at him in the hallway or if you would just blatantly ignore his existence. He wasn’t really sure what he’d prefer.   
The ache in his head was getting worse with every second of fearful anticipation. Remus tried to calm himself down, he tried to think of anything else, than your body pressed against his. Anything but your hot breath on his lips, that were mere inches away. It seemed impossible to focus, his thoughts would eventually travel back to you.  
And suddenly you were there. You walked through the door with Tonks by your side, both of you giggling. The sound of your laughter filled his head, it echoed and almost made him forget everything that had happened. Everything felt alright, when you laughed like that.   
But it wasn’t, he reminded himself. You hated him for sure and it would never again be him who made you smile.  
Remus tried to keep his eyes away from you as you took off your cloak, he tried to concentrate on the conversation Sirius and Hestia were having. It wouldn’t work. You strolled alongside Tonks and were greeted by Molly pulling both of you in for a hug. Entering the dining room, you looked around and your gaze met his and miraculously you smiled at him. He blinked and for a moment was sure he had imagined it, but when he opened his eyes again, the smile was still there. It was shy and unsure, but it didn’t falter.

You were nervous, because you hadn’t seen Remus since that moment in the storage room. In your mind you had damned that customer like no one ever before. You had cursed yourself for walking away from Remus like that. It was a stupid thing to do, you should have just kissed him right on the spot. Now he was probably thinking you had run away from him. Why was it, that your social skills shrunk to zero with him?  
Remus had canceled his shifts the following days and although you had been a little pissed off by him obviously avoiding you like that, you also couldn’t help but worry. Was he okay? Had he not wanted to kiss you? Had you overstepped a line?  
Now you were pacing up and down the street in front of Grimmauld Place, trying to convince yourself to open the door. A few moments later Tonks showed up, greeted you with a “Wotcher!” and immediately occupied your thoughts with a story about a cute guy from work. She had told you about Micah before, but now he had obviously invited her to a concert and she was over the moon. Giggling and contemplating what hairstyle the young witch should wear to her date, the two of you stumbled through the hallway and into the dining room.  
Remus was sitting at the table next to Sirius and you could feel him looking at you instantly. Uncertain about how to react, you just smiled at him, hoping to show some affection but not too much. He looked startled and for a second you thought he wouldn’t return your silent greeting, before the corners of his mouth twitched slightly upwards.  
You sat down at the table between Tonks and Bill and couldn’t help but laugh as Tonks loudly described Micah’s butt to Bill, who furiously tried to cover Ginny’s ears with his hands.  
“Let go, Bill! I’m old enough!”, the young redhead protested and attempted to wriggle out of her brother’s grasp.   
“I’m done anyway, unfortunately I’ve only ever seen him with his clothes on”, Tonks winked, but her grin started to fade when Molly started to lecture her on her language. You focused on your hands in your lap, gritted your teeth and tried to hide your own laughter.   
As Molly hurried away, dragging Ginny with her and still shaking her head at Tonks, you peered over to Sirius and Remus, who were both trying as hard to hide their chuckles.  
“Nymphadora, you’re a disgrace to the Black family”, Sirius pretended to be outraged.  
Tonks’ laughter was interrupted by Moody rapping his false leg against the table to gain our attention. With his usual grim expression he informed us of the situation at the ministry and at Hogwarts, where Dolores Umbridge’s interference was increasing steadily. At the mentioning of her name, you saw Remus flinch out of the corner of your eye. You knew exactly why. This woman was the driving force behind the strict regulations on werewolfs and other so called “halfbreeds”. A flash of anger washed over you.  
Moody ended his speech and immediately headed out, leaving you and the others to another one of Molly’s fantastic meals. However, your thoughts were still stuck on Umbridge and her obvious hatred for everyone that wasn’t like her. You couldn’t believe how someone like that got to teach at Hogwarts.  
Most people left after dinner, but you, Tonks, Remus and Sirius decided to hang around and end the night with a drink. The latter waved his wand at the cupboard behind him and a bottle of Firewhisky and 4 glasses shot out of it onto the table.  
“To the only good thing, we’ve heard about tonight”, Sirius announced. “Micah’s butt.”  
“Cheers, I’ll drink to that”, you snorted with laughter.

Sirius was an unforgiving drinking buddy. He refilled all your glasses as soon as they were half empty. You felt yourself get a little tipsier with every passing minute, while Sirius and Tonks seemed to have skipped the tipsy part altogether and headed directly for drunk. Only Remus appeared to be immune against the Firewhisky.   
It started to annoy you, that he was still calmly nipping on his second glass, still completely in control of himself, while you started to lose it. You wanted him to let his guard down for once, you wanted him to show what he was really feeling.  
Meanwhile Tonks had decided that it was time for some music. She flicked her wand lazily and you recognized the first tunes as a Weird Sisters song. It didn’t take long for Tonks to get up and start to dance. Her pink hair swayed to the beat as she took your hand and pulled you to your feet.  
“I couldn’t dance if my life depended on it”, you exclaimed and tried to sit back down, but Tonks wouldn’t let go of your wrist, so you grabbed your drink and gave in. You were certain, that you would never dance with Sirius and Remus watching, if you weren’t drunk, but in that moment you let go of anything holding you back. With one hand gripping your glass and the other one on Tonks’ waist, you danced around the room clumsily, laughing and forgetting Remus’ gaze burning on your skin.  
“Come on, Moony, we’ll show them how to dance”, Sirius said, holding out his hand. Remus hesitated a few seconds, but shrugged eventually and got up. You grinned at them from across the room and watched as they argued who would lead. Finally Remus let Sirius have his way and soon they were spinning, Sirius obviously being an excellent dancer, but sometimes slightly out of balance due to the Firewhisky. Remus took long, elegant strides, but seemed not quite as relaxed as his counterpart.  
The music was booming, you could sense the floor vibrating under your feet. You felt light, the beating of your heart following the rhythm and soothing your soul. It was like you couldn’t stop smiling, you and Tonks were spinning each other around the room in turns, spilling your drink all over the place, but neither of you minded.  
Suddenly you felt yourself stumble over what must have been Tonks’ right foot and bumped head first into Sirius. He grabbed your elbow reflexively and grinned at you.  
“You know, you could have just asked me to dance with you”, he chuckled, as he pulled you close to him and before you had the chance to free yourself, Sirius twirled you around. Tonks was left looking confused at the sudden lack of a dance partner, but grinned in your direction, before she made her way to the almost empty bottle of Firewhisky. Over Sirius’ shoulder you glanced at Remus and were met by a stony expression you had never seen before. For a moment you were shocked by the absence of kindness in his eyes, before he softened up and the harshness was replaced by some kind of regret. Finally he looked away and sat back down.  
Before you had time to wonder about Remus’ strange behavior, you felt Sirius stiffen and he let go of you abruptly. His gaze, too, had lingered on his friend a second ago.  
“Excuse me, I think I should go help Nymphadora empty that bottle”, he bobbed his eyes between you and Remus meaningfully. You felt dazed, but didn’t want to think about it too much right now, so you closed you eyes and continued to sway to the music, alone now.  
Soon however, you decided to just throw caution to the wind and strode over to Remus, holding out your hand. He looked up at you confusedly for a moment, before a shy smile spread across his face. A prickling sensation soared through your hand, as Remus took it in his and suddenly you were flush against him, his hands hesitant at your waist. Your eyes wandered up to his and this time you allowed yourself to get lost in them, you let the tipsiness overcome you and forgot about Sirius and Tonks drinking at the table. You leaned in and suddenly your lips were on his. They were soft and tender and light and you wanted it to never end. Everything felt warm and safe and you wanted to leave everything behind, forget about the oncoming war and just stay in this moment forever with Remus’ heated lips lingering on yours.   
But the warmth vanished way too soon, the coldness of reality hit you as his hands left your hips. In a flash Remus darted away from you, his heat only a ghost on your lips.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to write an ending! This one is fluffy and happy, unfortunately a little short, but I hope you like it!

Remus stumbled to the other end of the room like a deer in headlights, knocking over a chair on his way. A look of panic had settled on his features, his eyes wide, his hands raised defensively in front of him. He stared at you, trying to control his breaths.  
“I’m sorry”, he mumbled, looking at his feet. You were confused, the Firewhisky slowing your thoughts and actions alike. For a few moments you couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Sirius and Tonks were gaping at you, unbelievably lost for words.  
“What are you apologizing for?”, you didn’t know what else to say.  
“I shouldn’t have k-, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m very sorry”, he still avoided looking at any of you and headed for the stairs to his room. You looked over at Sirius helplessly, who stared into his empty glass. Without thinking too much about it, you motioned to follow Remus.   
“Be patient with him, Y/N”, Sirius said suddenly. “He has denied himself love for pretty much all his life, he thinks he’s a burden to everyone.”  
Looking back at him, you nodded and hurried upstairs. Remus' door was shut and you knocked carefully, but no answer came.  
“Remus, please, talk to me.” Still there was no answer, so you slowly creaked the door open. He was lying on his bed, eyes closed, still breathing heavily.   
“Why did you even come?”, he whispered.  
“I- I kissed you, not the other way around. If you didn’t want me to, I should be the one apologizing”, you stuttered, unwanted tears welling up in your eyes. Remus sat up quickly and stared at you in disbelief, as if you had just said something utterly ridiculous.   
“That is absurd”, Remus said warily, “I’m the monster, not you.”  
“You’re not a monster.”  
“Yes, I am. Who would want to be kissed by me?”  
“I rather enjoyed it”, you said fiercely, desperately trying to prove him wrong. Your words seemed to have quite an effect, he blinked and swallowed hard, before he got up and started pacing around the room.  
“Is this some kind of trick? A prank? Has Sirius set you up?”, Remus suddenly asked. You felt your stomach turn at the hurt in his eyes.  
“No! Remus, listen to me, I- I like you. Honestly, I couldn’t stop thinking about you for weeks now. I know you think you’re unlovable, but I don’t believe that is true”, you grabbed his arm to stop his pacing. He stared at you intently, looking for the trace of a lie in your eyes, before his gaze wandered down to your lips.   
This time it was him, who leaned towards you. His mouth crashed on yours, desperate and hungry for your touch. You returned his kiss ever so fiercely, your hands in his hair, pulling him even closer. The coolness of the wall made you shiver for a moment, when Remus pushed you against it. The kiss was messy and wilder than you had ever thought possible with him. The two of you only stopped to gasp for air every now and then, before coming back for more. Your hands wandered down to undo the buttons of his shirt, but he backed away hesitantly.  
“You’re a little drunk, we shouldn’t do this tonight”, he whispered against your cheek. You had a feeling that this was just an excuse, but you respected his decision anyway. Slowly you broke away from him, a stupid grin forming on your face. He looked a little embarrassed at himself and his cheeks were sporting a bright pink flush. You took his hand and dragged him over to the bed, where you threw yourself onto it and propped your head up on your hands. Remus lay down next to you, kicking off his shoes in the process. His eyes closed for a moment, before they suddenly snapped open again.  
“For Merlin’s sake, I forgot to tell you, that I like you back”, he looked at you bewildered.   
“I figured”, you couldn’t help but laugh. He seemed relieved and pulled you close to him, kissing you lazily this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you had a good time :) you can follow me on Tumblr (bubblytonks) for more Remus content <3


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